Welcome to the third newsletter from The Future Starts Now - bringing you features and information about Personal Coaching and Meridian Therapy, along with quotes and stories to inspire you in your own personal development. You can Subscribe automatically to future issues, Unsubscribe at any time, or send Feedback, requests or questions.
How to reduce Stress by
losing Control
Re-evaluating
the classic link between lack of Control and Stress - and how to
use Emotional Freedom Technique to help you"lose Control".
It's a standard
psychological finding that feeling out of Control results in increased
experience of Stress whether the context is work, relationships,
or life in general. Knowing this, a lot of Stress reduction efforts,
especially in the workplace, concentrate on ways of making people
feel more in Control or "empowered".
But is wanting
Control always a good thing? If it means avoiding immediate harm
or maintaining health, then probably yes. If it means preferring
freedom over domination, yes. And if it means working to improve
something, rather than simply passively accepting things as they
are, yes.
But what if it means washing your hands 50 times
a day to Control germs? What if it means never trying anything
new to Control being criticised? Or if it means friends or partners
leave you because you tried to Control their behaviour? If the consequences
of Control produce more Stress than the thing you are trying to
avoid, then Control has become a negative force in your life.
But when
we try to reduce Stress by increasing Control, what exactly are
we Controlling? And what does exerting Control actually "give"
us? Almost always, the need to Control what is happening externally,
is really a need to Control how we feel internally.
For some, the need
to exert Control in a specific arena, is about making up for feeling
out of Control in other areas of their life, or more general feelings
of powerlessness. For others, Control is simply about avoiding what
they are afraid of.
For instance, a fear of change can
be avoided by Controlling (ensuring) predictability and routine.
A fear of being judged, criticised or even attacked can be Controlled
by avoiding situations which attract the attention of others (e.g.
public speaking, interviews, driving tests, meeting new people or
achievement of any kind).
So if the need for Control is
"an inside job", how can knowing this help us reduce and
prevent Stress? Although Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) can be
used to directly reduce immediate feelings of Stress, it can also
be used to reduce our need for Control, by eliminating the negative
feelings that are driving the need to exert that Control.
You
can identify the issues to work on with EFT, by using the following
sequence:
1. What triggers my Stress? (e.g When I have to complain or
speak up for myself)
2.
What am I trying to Control about this? (e.g People looking at me and judging
me)
3. If I fail to Control this, how will I feel? (e.g. Fear they will
criticise or think I'm stupid)
4. Do EFT on the feeling(s)
identified (see
below for how to learn EFT):
"Even
though I'm afraid of looking stupid...."
"Even
though I'm afraid of being criticised..."
In this
example, by reducing the fears of being criticised and looking stupid,
we reduce the need to Control (avoid) situations where we think
this might happen. By reducing the underlying fear, this means that
a lot of other situations that previously had the potential for
criticism and looking stupid no longer have the same power to cause
Stress. This then opens up a whole new range of activities, choices
and opportunities that would have previously have been avoided and
missed.
When you consider what you have to gain, losing
Control could be the best thing you ever did!
Get started with being Yourself
"There
are many who are living far below their possibilities because they
are continually handing over their individualities to others.
Do you want to be a power in the world?
Then be yourself.
Be true to the highest within your soul and then allow yourself
to be governed by no customs or conventionalities or arbitrary man-made
rules that are not founded on principle."
Ralph
Waldo Trine
"You
didn't think when you got up this morning that this would be the
day your life would change, did you?
But it's going to
happen because the only thing that stands between you and grand
success in living are these two things:
Getting started
and never quitting!
You can solve your biggest problem
by getting started, right here and now."
Robert H. Schuller
Fear of flying gone in one session
A friend
of mine was about to fly out to Australia to visit her daughter
for 10 weeks - a trip she was very much looking forward to, except
for one thing - the flight!
I worked with her for around
20 minutes, doing EFT on a number of aspects, especially "taking
off" and "the sound of the engines". Although she
reported much lowered intensity of fear when thinking about flying,
she was not convinced that the fear had completely gone. Since it
was possible there could be other aspects which might not come up
until she was actually on the plane, I gave her a copy of my manual
and advised her how to use the method on the plane if she felt the
need.
Ten weeks later she was home and we met up for lunch.
Although I'd almost forgotten about the EFT (I was more interested
in hearing about her trip!), she said "I didn't do any tapping
on the plane". My heart started to sink, thinking she had been
afraid but had forgotten to tap. But then she said "I just
forgot, because nothing happened". "What do you
mean, nothing happened?" I asked. She said "Well, I was
just fine, I didn't feel any problem at all".
Learn EFT Now! You can start using EFT for yourself right now by downloading my EFT QuickStart manual.
Gary's Corner
Gary Craig, the originator of EFT maintains an excellent website packed with real case histories. Each month I select one case history that really shows the power and range of EFT.
This month:
Fear of flying and many aspects
Another example of fear of flying with more details about how often several different aspects need to be treated to clear the problem completely.
