Our "Writing on the Walls" about Emotions and Feelings. Or, how what we believe about emotions can get in the way of releasing them.
Gary
Craig has written extensively about the power of the “Writing on our Walls”
(our belief systems) to make us create judgements about ourselves and others,
and to decide how to behave or react in different situations.
I’ve become aware as a result of working with clients that
there is a whole LOAD of “Writing on the Walls” when it comes down to the
subject of “feelings” and “emotions” themselves – about what we SHOULD be
feeling, what the feelings mean, how long we should hold onto them, and so on.
What this means is that when you are using EFT, the process
itself is likely being influenced by your "Writing on the Walls",
not just about the content of the issue at hand (e.g. the car crash, my work
stress etc), but about the whole PROCESS of working with and releasing the
emotions involved.
This is because “appropriate display of emotion” is a
socially conditioned behaviour (along with correct table manners, appropriate
dress and so on). Although emotions are supposed to be the most private part of a
person’s inner life, the DISPLAY of emotions is often public property. Showing of
remorse or not can affect the length of a criminal’s prison sentence! And as
with so many external rules learned in childhood, these rules become
internalised very early on – the person takes these rules on as their own – they become “my
rules” (my writing on the walls). And so people unconsciously “edit” and "manage" their emotional displays accordingly, EVEN TO
THEMSELVES, and EVEN to the practitioner they may be paying to help them be
free of them!
This can be a whole other layer of work to do to properly
release the emotions. Or to put it another way, there may be Psychological
Reversal relating to the emotionality of the issue, even before we get to the
reversals relating to the issue itself!
Here are
some of the most common beliefs I’ve come across when working
with clients:
- Self-judgement about HAVING the feelings in the first place ("I shouldn’t feel angry", "I feel guilty for having this feeling", "I must be weak" etc)
- What feelings one SHOULD have ("It’s normal to feel angry/sad/embarrassed in this situation - therefore to release it would make me abnormal").
- How long you should have feelings before releasing them. ("It's normal to feel like this for a few weeks after X happens", "Most people still have feelings about this years afterwards.")
- What order feelings should occur ("How come I went straight from anger to acceptance? What happened to grief?")
- Fear of judgement by others (often gone or deceased) about what releasing an emotion would mean ("If I stop grieving it will mean I didn't really love them")
- Believing the emotion has some positive function ("I need a little stress to motivate me to…", "If I didn’t have some anger left I would be seen as weak…", "It's healthy to be feeling angry at this stage.")
Sometimes we can use EFT to address these beliefs at the
start of a session -
particularly when these beliefs
are being expressed straightaway and it’s clear there is a reversal to even
starting work.
More
commonly though, these beliefs are exposed towards the end of a session – when
the intensity of the central issue has dropped to a 1 or a 2 and has "stuck" there.
One
of my favourite questions in this situation is “What’s in the way of letting
this go?”. The answer to the question is usually a belief about what the emotion
means, or what letting it go would mean i.e. the client's "Writing
on the Wall" about the function of emotions. Fortunately, as
with any type of reversal, these beliefs are easily dealt with using
EFT e.g.
"Even though I think I shouldn't be letting
go of this feeling this early..."
"Even though I think
I'm weak for even having this feeling in the first place..."
"Even
though I think losing this feeling will mean I didn't love X..."
While
it can be easy for a trained practitioner to notice these beliefs about
emotions, these beliefs can prove to be a real blind-spot for the
self-help user. By becoming aware of this extra layer of beliefs,
the self-help user can identify these reversals and release these
emotions that much more quickly.
EFT hits Harley Street
Tonight on UK television
EFT hit Harley Street. (The Private Life of Harley Street,
BBC2, 15th August, 8.00pm).
For non-UK readers, Harley
Street is practically a by-word for credibility and prestige within
the medical and caring professions. Harley Street in London is where
doctors and therapists aspire to run a practice, and where patients
and clients aspire to be able to get treatment.
On tonight's episode hypnotherapist
Jenny Frances was working with a client with a phobia of plants
and leaves. On a scale of 0 to 100 she was at 100 just thinking
about a rhubarb leaf.
Sadly we didn't see too much
of the actual session, perhaps 1 or 2 minutes in all - but what
we did see was Jenny introducing EFT to her client and the client
tapping on the EFT meridian points while Jenny guided her to focus
on different aspects of the plant (e.g. "brushing against you").
Of course we don't know what aspects were dealt with during the
session but the sample appeared to show EFT being used solely on
the clients "triggers" rather than any belief change work.
At the end of the first session
the client reported her intensity while thinking about a leaf as
"about 50". This is great news for the
client. But even better news for the acceptance of EFT into
the mainstream.
EFT also featured in the Times this week! Read the article here.
Gary's Corner
Gary Craig, the originator
of EFT maintains an excellent website packed with real case histories
and articles.
The example of the lady with the
leaf phobia shows how easy it is to have a phobia for just about
anything.
This case study gives a good impression of how an EFT session might go. Each client responds differently but in this case we have a good example of someone who appears not to be clearing very quickly if at all at the beginning. This example also shows the critical role of the practitioner in cases where the client smiply would be too frightened to begin working by herself :
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