Due to a change in workload this newsletter will now be produced approximately quarterly. The format will be the same. There may be occasional  "extra" issues to allow for special announcements or one-off articles.

The problem with "Normal" And 3 ways to avoid it
I'm feeling increasingly uneasy about "Normal". Wanting to "be Normal" in particular. Most of the people I coach are looking for the extraordinary - in themselves and in their lives. And yetwe're all surrounded with subtle and insidious pressure to be like everyone else! How can we start to free ourselves from this and get closer to the unique and extraordinary potential that we aspire to as coaches and clients?.

(1) Pay attention to the language of "Normal" - words and phrases that people use every day. Notice it in your self-talk - and also in the speech of people or groups who may be trying to influence you. There are a lot of unspoken equivalences around "Normal" which involve hidden value judgements.

"Most people would think..."                               (Normal = Right)
"I think it's reasonable to expect..."     (Normal = What's expected)
"The average person responds this way..."      (Normal = Common)
"The rational response to this would be,...."     (Normal = Sane)
"This is standard procedure...."                      (Normal = Habitual)
"It's natural for this to happen at this stage..." (Normal = Inevitable)
"Why can't you just act normally?....."        (Normal = Acceptable)

(2) Start questioning what "Normal" is anyway
"Normal" only has meaning in relation to a particular culture or group, and at a particular time. In the West, it's "normal" to use toilet paper when visiting the bathroom. In many eastern countries this practice is seen as disgusting and instead washing is considered "normal" (i.e. hygienic!). 100 years ago in England it was "normal" for women to have no vote and to give up work (if they worked at all) when they married. Now it's "normal" for women to vote and  to have to work to support a family. Knowing this can help you undo the grip of the Normal by asking yourself these two questions.

   - "Was there a time in history when this wasn't Normal?"
   - "Is there a group of people somewhere else who wouldn't consider this Normal?"

By noticing a time or a place when the practice or idea would not be considered normal, you start to allow your mind to escape from it if it is limiting you.

(3) Reduce your emotional attachment to "Normal"
By reducing your attachment to "Normal" in every way you can, you will be freeing up your mind to go after goals and activities that allow you to express the extraordinariness in yourself.
"Normal" is most commonly defined by "the tribe"- the dominant culture in which you live and the social groups to which you belong.
But detaching yourself from the tribe can be difficult - because that's where so many of our deepest emotional attachments lie, in the form of loyalty, acceptance, obligation and belonging. But these attachments CAN be undone - if you've decided that they are limiting you - and EFT is a great tool for helping with that. (The fears around separation from a group can be far from trivial. Rest assured that EFT only releases negative emotions - it does not take away positive feelings such as love, gratitude, respect or compassion - in fact it enhances them.) Here are some examples:

"Even though I fear what people will think if I do this,...."
"Even though my family really wants me to go in  this direction,...
"Even though most people at work will think I'm crazy if I......"
"Even though I'll be a laughing stock if I say...."
"Even though I'll be an outcast if I speak up about this,..."

Ultimately, deciding that anyone or anything is "Normal" is a judgement. If you must judge yourself (as opposed to simply accepting yourself) make sure you're applying your own values and standards, not anyone else's.

EFT Coach "recommended reading" on Energy Coach Certification course

I was recently delighted to hear from Maryam Webster, director of the Certified Energy Coach Program. She had purchased "The EFT Coach" and wanted to send me the following feedback:

You can find out more about teleclasses and trainings from the Energy Coach Certfication Program at:

www.certifiedenergycoach.org

Maryam is also contributor and editor of CoachVille Innovations Team blog.

Dealing with "Christmas Dread" using EFT.
Some people love Christmas. Some people dread it. I happen to be someone who dreads it - and I recently had a client who was dreading it enough to want a session of EFT to help her deal with the coming season (name and identifying details withheld).

I asked her to rate how much she was dreading Christmas on a scale of 0-10, as an overall benchmark that we could refer back to later - it was an 8.
We could have worked on her "triggers", but she felt that her dread was the result of some bad memories associated with Christmas from her childhood and teens.

We worked through 3 specific memories involving her family, using the Movie Technique. By the end of the session we has substantially cleared some of her worst memories and her dread of Christmas had fallen from an 8 to a 5. It was also clear that part of her dread was the obligation she felt to do certain things that did not fit in with her values around independence and commercialism. Since the overall issue was not fully cleared (there must have been more memories or triggers still present) Igave her some homework to help continue the process and addressing the issue of obligation : "Even  though I prefer that Christmas didn't exist, I choose to enjoy the holiday on my own terms and with a clear conscience".

I checked in with her a couple of weeks later to see how she was doing. She said things were better but she was still experiencing significant negative reactions to hearing people talk about Christmas and in particular to thinking about the day itself and how that would be, as she was due to be spending it with a particular member of her family.

I offered to do a top-up session on the phone, focussing on the day itself. We used the Movie technique as before but using as the "movie" her expected experience of the day, starting with walking up to the front door of the house that she would be visiting. We tapped for several aspects of the day that she was expecting and dreading, mostly involving expected behaviour from different family members.

By the end of this short session (about half an hour) her overall rating for the day was "a 1 or a 2" and her comments had changed to "Actually I think it will be OK" and was starting to talk aspects that she was looking forward to such as the food and other family members that she likes - a big difference from the "dread" she had been feeling weeks before.

Wishing happy holidays to everyone. And for those who are still dreading it, please give yourself the gift of EFTand start tapping! (I know I will!).

Gary's Corner

Gary Craig, the originator of EFT maintains an excellent website packed with real case histories. Each month I select case histories that really show the power and range of EFT.

This month, some extra ideas for using EFT to to help deal with the many frustrations and family-induced irritations that this time of year can bring...

Helpful Hints for the Holidays

and

Some Holiday Advice

Learn EFT now! You can start using EFT for yourself right now by downloading my EFT QuickStart manual.

Subscription options: Subscribe Full HTML or Plain Email.    Unsubscribe.    Send Feedback, requests or questions.