Is it a Problem or Not?
A Non-Judgement pattern
of EFT
In coaching generally it's
important to avoid judgement about what the client thinks, as far
as possible.
The standard EFT setup statement includes
within it, a judgement, that the issue being worked on is "a
problem". This judgement is expressed in the words "Even
though". The linguistic assumption is that whatever follows
these words is "bad" or "unwanted" in some way.
And in a therapy situation that is a fair assumption. But within
coaching, this is not always appropriate. Sometimes it clearly is
- e.g. if a client identifies a block to progress or feels distress
or fear when thinking about taking a particular action.
But sometimes we simply want to test an idea - such as a Goal, or
a Value or a Belief. In doing EFT focussed on these sorts of ideas,
we are not trying to "get rid of them". But we do want
to explore what insights are triggered in connection to them, or
find out if there are any negative emotions connected to them which
could be usefully released.
In these cases, we can use
the Non-Judgement pattern, which drops the use of "Even though"
and changes the acceptance conjunction from "but" to "and",
thus:
"I have this Value/Belief, and
I deeply and I completely accept myself"
If no negative emotion or
aspect is triggered, then this provides the client (or yourself)
with extra confidence that the issue tested is Real and not being
motivated or influenced by any negative thinking. But if any insight
or emotion comes up in response to this setup which does clearly
seem like a problem, we can revert immediately to the standard setup
statement e.g.
"Even
though I'm not sure if I really want this Goal any more, I deeply…"
"Even though
I think I got this Value from my family, I deeply…"
"Even
though this Belief is stopping me get what I want, I deeply…"
Or you may decide that some of the ideas that came up should
themselves be treated Non-Judgementally - in which case, continue
with the Non-Judgement form thus:
"My
family had this Value and I deeply and completely accept myself"
This shows how the need for
stating the issue as a problem or maintaining Non-Judgement requires
explicit thought at every stage and can vary according to what the
client thinks about the matter.
This pattern is also a
good way for client to develop a "noticing" habit instead
of a "problem" habit.
Although EFT is good at releasing
problematic emotions, it does tend to focus the client on "what's
wrong". Many coaches try to encourage clients to develop the
habit of "simply noticing" what happens in their lives,
how they feel and so on.
Often this sort of detachment
is what allows clients to take control of their situations, deliberately
access resourceful states and find creative solutions. Using the
Non-Judgement pattern of EFT regularly will develop this mind set
quite effortlessly.
Indeed, for anyone who has
any difficulty around the notion of EFT "fixing" a client,
using the Non-Judgement pattern offers a complete solution. There
is no reason why one could not use this pattern in all cases, even
when both client and coach would agree that the client's current
state is unwanted.
Since discovering the Non-Judgement Pattern I have found it
to be useful in many different situations including:
- Embedding
feels of success (see Celebration Pattern below)
- Testing pairs
of conflicting Values where it can't be assumed which one is more
correct
- Testing feelings around a new situation where it's
not clear yet whether the situation offers an opportunity or a problem
- In situations where the client dislikes the idea of saying something
negative
There are probably many more applications - and
I believe this pattern allows the benefits of EFT to be expanded
to whole new areas of personal development.
Head and Heart
Some ancient approaches to decision
making and goal setting as you ponder the year ahead.
Throughout history, many
cultures have had their own approaches to finding direction in life
and making correct decisions. An old Hasidic saying says:
"Everyone should carefully observe which way his heart draws him, and then choose that way with all his strength."
This saying emphasises the
importance of co-creating with your heart and your mind. The heart must
do the choosing (see article of using EFT for goal clarification),
but the mind must be brought into play to see things through.
The Persians had another take on the issue. They believed that
"A good idea must seem like a good idea both when one is drunk and when one is sober."
This is yet another way of saying that both the conscious (sober) and the unconscious (drunk) parts of the person must be in agreement with a goal before it can be judged to be a good idea.
And finally, if you are finding it hard to choose any new goals for yourself, I will finish with the quote from the front page of my website:
"If we keep going in this direction, we'll end up where we're going."
Which is fine if you like where you're headed - but a useful wakeup call if you don't.
The Celebration Pattern
Using EFT to acknowledge
and enhance feelings of success
EFT is obviously great for
dealing with the times when we feel bad. But It's equally important to
know how to get the most from the time(s) that you feel flushed
with success, feeling positive and on top of the world. If this
is a rare event for you (or even if it isn't), then it's important
to fully acknowledge the success and the feeling of success.
The "Celebration pattern" is
a variation on the Non-Judgement pattern (see above). It replaces
the "problem" with a description of the good feeling,
and the acceptance phrase is optionally altered to include either
the client, the feeling itself, or both.
"I feel <good
feeling>, and I deeply and completely accept myself and this
feeling."
So,
for example:
"I
feel really great about this, and I deeply and completely accept
myself"
"I really
like this feeling, and I deeply and completely accept this feeling."
"I feel totally positive
right now, and I deeply and completely accept myself and this feeling."
When I first had the idea to tap as a response to feeling good,
it was with the thought of carrying out a "pre-emptive strike"
on any Tailenders that might possibly be lurking ready to bring
me out of my good feeling, diminish it or otherwise make me feel
differently about the good thing that just happened. For instance:
"Well, it was nice to feel
good for a while, but that's not your normal state is it?"
"You can't stay like
that forever you know."
"Well
the thing that made you feel good has gone away now, so the feeling
should too."
This remains an excellent reason for
tapping and is fully consistent with our understanding of Tailenders
and how they work. Which is nice in theory, but how does it actually
feel? One person I did this with, reported absolutely no change
of "intensity" of feeling good. But the "quality"
changed subtly to "…feeling
more solid somehow - like I really believed it." And this was after just one round of EFT.
Gary's Corner
Gary Craig, the originator of EFT maintains an excellent website packed with real case histories. Each month I select case histories that really show the power and range of EFT.
This month:
Showing how EFT can be used to prepare for a future event, by anticipating all the feared aspects.
The Non-Judgement Pattern
and the Celebration Pattern are both adapted from my forthcoming
book
"The EFT Coach" which will be available
as ebook and paperback shortly.
Learn EFT now! You can start using EFT for yourself right now by downloading my EFT QuickStart manual.
Upcoming events:
The following
introductory EFT workshops have been scheduled for Spring 2004.
The cost of all workshops is £80 per person. There is an early
booking discount of £10 (see early booking dates), plus an
additional £10 discount if you book two or more places.
Location will be central Ipswich.
Sunday 7th March
2004 - Introduction to EFT
Sunday 4th April
2004 - Introduction to EFT
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