"Broken" New Year Resolutions?
How EFT can help you use your "Failure" to get back on track.

I read this week that by the end of the first week in January the vast majority of people have already broken their New Year Resolutions. I figure about now is when people are most likely to be giving up on or simply forgetting about their Resolutions - and so now might be the time they could do with some help...

Before we get onto some EFT - let's do a perspective shift on New Year Resolutions. To say that you have "broken" your New Year's Resolution does seem to have a very black and white, "all or nothing" quality to it. It implies there are no more chances - once it's broken, it's broken. It also implies something "magical" about 1st January: resolutions can only be made at New Year - making it (or remaking it) on 2nd January, 12th February, or 27th July isn't possible or isn't as good.

This type of black and white thinking - or Perfectionism - is a killer when it comes to the sort of goal which involves ongoing effort over months or years. And it can become a fantastic excuse to not try again. ("I tried that and I wasn't strong enough - oh well, maybe next year...")

If your goal is something that is really going to make a difference to your life (whether it's health related, career related or concerns an important relationship) then it deserves a lot more persistence than a "one time only" effort which is abandoned the first time you fall below the "100% perfect" mark. To give you my perspective on Failure, here is one of my favourite quotes:

"Failing isn't falling down.
Failing is not getting up again"

In other words, you can "break" your resolution many times. But if you always start again, eventually the number of times you succeed must outweigh the number of times that you "fail". But how do find the energy and motivation to keep getting up again?

Well, EFT can help - but first, let's quickly do another perspective shift on "Failure". Ordinarily, "failure" usually means bad things about us, like "I'm not up to it", "I can't do it", "This is hard" and so on. But let's remind ourselves that from an EFT perspective, having a negative feeling isn't a character flaw or a moral defect - it's an energy disturbance which can be corrected. I often find it useful to extend this idea to the behaviour which is is driven by these negative feelings. So if you comfort eat because you feel anxious, and the anxiety isn't a character flaw, then neither is the comfort eating! The "failure" that comes out of negative feelings and beliefs is simply information telling us that there are more unresolved issues which need tapping on. From this viewpoint, failure can become your friend, if you decide to use it as your signal to start tapping!

If you've read Gary Craig's EFT manual or studied his training, you will already know that EFT works best when you are most "tuned in" to the feeling or the problem - when you're focussed on it and are really "in" the feeling.

So thinking about your Resolutions for a moment - what would be the best thing to apply EFT to? All your "reasons why not" (your Psychological Reversals). That means all your doubts and fears about whether you can do it, all your anxieties about feeling deprived or unhappy while you keep your resolution, all your feelings about yourself which undermine you, such as feelings of undeservedness, lack of self-worth, lack of willpower etc, all your concerns about what others might think about what you're doing.....basically all the usual EFT-able negative thoughts and feelings!

But if you're working alone, it can be quite hard to identify all these aspects by yourself - and it could take quite a time to work through them all. Both these things make it less likely that the average person is going to do this (although you'd certainly be off to a great head start if you did!).

Instead I'm going to suggest a way of using EFT which doesn't need a whole load of personal insight or setting aside hours of your time, but which should make just enough difference to you that you find yourself able to "get up again" anytime you find yourself falling down.

The method I'm going to suggest to you uses the exact point at which you fail. i.e. while you are tucking into that cream cake, or having that cigarette or lying in bed instead of going to the gym.

The following setup statements are generic statements you can use to tap on at the moment of failure or very soon afterwards. Pick Stage 1, 2 or 3 depending on how close you are to the point of failure - or tap on all of them.

You may wonder how these generic statements can be helping when there are so many different aspects, thoughts and beliefs behind why you have "failed". Close to the point of failure (just before, during, and just after) is when whatever reversals or aspects which are making it hard for you to keep your Resolution, are most active - i.e. you are tuned in to them, even if you have no conscious awareness of what they might be - and so the point of failure is prime tapping time!

Stage 1 - Just before the point of failure

"Even though I'm about to fail, I deeply and completely accept myself"

Sometimes this will be enough to dispel the temptation (e.g. reduce a craving or reduce a negative belief) just enough to enable you to not fail this time. But if it isn't, simply go to Stage 2.

Stage 2 - At the point of failure
i.e while you are failing (doing what you have resolved not to do, or failing to do what you have resolved to do)

"Even though I'm failing right now, I deeply and completely accept myself"

Sometimes this will enable you to stop (put down the cigarette or the fork) or start (put on your gym shoes) and get back on track immediately. If not, then go to Stage 3.

Stage 3 - After you have failed.

"Even though I failed, I deeply and completely accept myself"

This will address any feelings or thoughts you are tuned into about the fact that you failed. For any Resolution with self-esteem as an aspect (basically all Resolutions, since all Resolutions are about a desire to improve oneself somehow), the act of failing simply reinforces any beliefs you have about not being good enough, strong enough etc. Tapping after the failure will help prevent these beliefs getting even stronger and over time will help to reduce them.

Also notice that you are not required to find an intensity rating when you use EFT this way. Whether you need to do more tapping - or whether you are "done" - is defined completely by whether you are keeping your Resolution or not. (Of course, as well as these generic statements, you are free to tap on any additional aspects that you are consciously aware of, if you want to.)

Stage 4 - Getting up again!

Having tapped on "falling down", it's now time to use some EFT to "get up again" - using a Choices statement to restate your chosen Resolution. In fact you can use this statement as your generic statement instead of Stage 3.

"Even though <I'm failing, I failed, I keep failing>, I choose to start over and <Restate Resolution>"

Even just reading this Choices statement, I hope you can see how this "failure" can be turned around pretty quickly from a feeling of "that's it, it's all over for another year" to a momentary lapse which you can easily recover from.
And of course, using failure as a signal to do some EFT can be useful for any goal you're finding it hard to keep going with, not just the New Year kind.

Book Reviews

How to Pursue Happyness in 2007
If you want to use EFT to work on just one resolution this year, make it this one!

Whatever resolutions you may have, have you really wondered why you chose them?
Whether it's stopping something, doing more of something else, getting more of something, getting rid of some other thing or being better at something else - there's only one reason, ever, for picking any resolution.

We think it will make us Happy!!

And yet, most people's New Year Resolutions are not about "being Happy" - or they are not expressed that way. Most people's resolutions are expressed in the language of deprivation, hard work and improving perceived defects in themselves.

From an EFT point of view, underlying all addictions cravings and bad habits, all procrastination, inertia and self-doubt, is anxiety and fear. Or to put it another way - a lack of Happiness. The following quote puts it in a nutshell:
"Deliberately guiding your thoughts is the key to a joyful life, but a desire to feel joy is the best plan of all...because in the reaching for joy, you find the thought that attracts the wonderful life you desire." Jerry & Esther Hicks

So why not cut to the chase and make Happiness your goal and work on this directly? Does that sound too easy? Or too hard?
The following are EFT statements expressed in the positive (note there is no "Even though" at the start) so they can be used by anyone regardless of whether they feel resistance to Happiness or not.

   I desire to be Happy and I deeply and completely accept myself.
   I deserve to be Happy,...
   I am allowed to be Happy...
   It is entirely possible to be Happy...
   It is safe to be Happy...
   I am good at finding ways of being Happy...
   Happy is my normal state of being...

If you are not a "naturally happy person" then do not underestimate the objections you may feel to this idea. And you may want to create your own statements to include specific aspects that are important to you, but this list covers the most common blocks. Persistent tapping on these blocks will slowly chip away at your "reasons why not".
A Happy New Year to all!

Gary's Corner

Gary Craig, the originator of EFT maintains an excellent website packed with real case histories and articles.

In this issue I offer two links relevant to the idea of goals and failure.

The following link is to an article by Rebecca Marina on applying EFT to those times we feel like a failure.

Using EFT for feeling like a failure

The second link is to an insighhtful article by Steve Wells on the fear of success.

Overcoming Fear of Success to Achieve Your Goals

Subscription options: Subscribe Full HTML or Plain Email.    Unsubscribe.    Send Feedback, requests or questions.