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Welcome to the Comfort Zone
Self-development doesn't have to hurt!

The "Comfort Zone" seems to have become a bad place to be among many self development experts.  A certain machismo has become attached to the idea of "stepping outside the comfort zone" as a route to self-development.  Telling someone they are "working within their comfort zone" seems tantamount to accusing them of a moral defect.  

All around the world people are abseiling down mountain faces, diving off cliffs, doing parachute jumps and firewalks, taking on challenges at work they feel unequipped for, and entering counselling or therapy to "face their fears" or relive the most painful episodes of their life - and all in the name of "self-development".

It's true that some people are motivated by challenge and new experiences. People like this will literally queue up for firewalking and pay to go snake-fighting in the Amazon.  These people are actually fighting to get out of their "Comfort Zone" and will be constantly expanding its boundaries to take account of their new confidence with shark-baiting or nude bungee-jumping.

But is it necessary to experience what can often be quite extreme fear and discomfort, in order to develop in the way one wishes?  Is it possible that even while we seek inner peace, enlightenment and empowerment through these activities what we are actually paying tribute to is a much older principle of self-development that says: "No Pain, No Gain"?  It seems extraordinary that while we yearn to escape our uncomfortable inner pain, we decide to do so in a way that creates MORE discomfort along the way! Is "getting you out of your Comfort Zone" a modern day equivalent of bleeding the sick?

Of course the reply is often that you have to "confront" your pain/fear in order to "push through it". To me this is another way of saying  "If it ain't hurting, it ain't working"?  More machismo.  And more evidence of our fundamental belief that "pain is good". And even people who don't think pain is good, simply think there's no other way.

Luckily, there is!  The self-development world is changing fast and new approaches, especially energy psychology techniques, are increasingly able to achieve significant breakthroughs in personal development using gentle, dignified and very safe techniques, such as EFT.

In particular, the "Tearless Trauma Technique", developed by Gary Craig, the originator of EFT, is an effective way of minimising upset and trauma while clearing the pain around a past memory. In this technique, the practitioner never allows the client to become severely upset. If even the thought of saying what happened is upsetting, EFT can be applied to that feeling before the client says anything about the trauma itself. If recalling what was happening before the event is upsetting, EFT can be applied to that too. Only when the client is totally happy and calm does the session continue, as slowly and gently as the client wants to go. What's even better is that the client does not necessarily have to tell the practitioner what happened at all, if they choose not to - they can instead simply use keywords or perhaps not say anything, only reporting their distress rating. As well as helping to make the whole procedure painless, this also preserves the privacy and dignity of the client.

In a coaching context too, using EFT can ease the path to achieving goals. While conventional coaching techniques are designed to make what is hard for the client much easier, sometimes taking the final step (speaking to the boss, going on that course, sorting out that relationship) still requires a lot of courage, often at a time when the coach isn't present. Why should a client have to "push through" this fear, possibly causing significant stress and anxiety, when a few rounds of EFT might significantly reduce the fear directly? To me, coaching is about results and creating happier lives for my clients - it's not about adding to the stress and anxiety they already feel.

So next time you are thinking about how to make progress in your life or overcome the negative feelings you've had for so long, don't forget you have a choice - it doesn't have to hurt!

PS - You can still go snake-fighting in the Amazon if you really want to.

You mean...               ...I'm OK?

Recently I was working with a client on a stress-related issue. It was our first session and as with all new clients I was running through the EFT sequence, introducing the meridian points and the setup statement.

On our first round I asked him to repeat the setup statement with me: "Even though I have this problem, I deeply and completely accept myself".

Towards the end of the 2nd repetition he interrupted the setup sequence to ask me, with a look of surprise: "Are you saying that I'm OK even though I've got this problem?"

I could see this was quite a breakthrough moment for him and answered "Yes. You are OK. It's only your problem that isn't".

In fact, this realisation was so important for my client that he actually customised the setup phrase for himself to become: "Even though I have this problem, I'm completely OK with myself".

This moment reminded me forcefully how very compatible are coaching and EFT. They both start from the identical premise that:

      The client is a whole and
       complete human being.

They just happen to have circumstances they would like to deal with, or goals they would like to make progress towards.

Both EFT and coaching place clients at choice. The second that clients understand - consciously or unconsciously - that they don't have to BE their problems and limitations, that underneath all of it they are an intact human being, then they know that freedom is possible. They can choose to be what they DECIDE to be, no longer defined by their problems or perceived limitations.

At this moment they can begin a life of true self-definition.

And when you can start living your life in your own way, knowing you can be "completely OK with myself" whatever problems arise, "OK" starts to seem like an understatement.

"Born worrier" finds instant relief

Last week I was working with a client who described himself as a "born worrier". He said he worried obsessively about everything - from jobs needing doing round the house, to his children and so on. I was expecting we  might need to use EFT on several different aspects in order to deal with what seemed like such a "global" issue and because he was worried about so many different things.

But because it was our first session I started with the most straightforward approach. He started out at a 5 out of 10 accompanied by a "sinking feeling in the stomach". 5 out of 10 might not seem like a severe problem, but "worry" is after all a low grade but persistent form of stress. We tapped on "Even though I have all these worries...".  Afterwards he said he was now a 4. I asked him about the sinking feeling and he said that had gone....and actually, it wasn't a 4, it was a 1 now.

We tapped again: "Even though I still have some of these worries left...".  After this, he said he was at a zero.

I had to admit even I was shocked! Only two rounds of EFT for a lifetime's habit of worrying. Of course it's possible that some worrying might return in the future - but he now has the tool to relax and turn off the worrying any time he needs to.

Learn EFT Now! You can start using EFT for yourself right now by downloading my EFT QuickStart manual.

Gary's Corner

Gary Craig, the originator of EFT maintains an excellent website packed with real case histories. Each month I select one case history that really shows the power and range of EFT.

This month:

Employee overcomes anger at supervisor

A great work stress example.

Specifically it shows how you can use EFT to successfully reduce the stress (in this case anger) triggered by other people that you don't have direct control over, even when it really is the other person's fault.