Using
"Possibility" to get specific on coaching issues.
Or
- how to make sure you're always tapping on the the right thing,
even if you can't feel much difference.
EFT has to be one of the easiest self-help methods
around. But while applying it is easy, it can be harder for the
self-helper to pinpoint
what needs to be worked on. If you have a phobia, or anger or some
other "traditional" EFT-able issue, it's simple enough
to know what the problem is and to know when it's been relieved
- the person can feel it directly. But in a coaching setting, when
the desired outcome involves achieving goals and personal transformation,
it can be harder to know what's in the way emotionally and what
specifically to tap on. And we know that being as specific as possible
is important when working with EFT.
Of course it's often well worth starting by
listing all the issues you're aware of and
tapping on each of them in turn. While this may well produce good
results, I find clients tend not to actually do it! A big reason
is the perceived time it takes to list all the possible issues
and then tap through them.
But a bigger obstacle is often the lack of immediate
feedback. If you're working on an anxiety issue, you can feel straightaway
whether it's worked and whether you need to tap some more. For issues
around change and goals there may be little or no obvious "intensity"
to work with. So a person may tap on somehing relating to a goal
or a behaviour and not really feel much different. If a change in
behaviour results later on, it can be harder to connect the previous
EFT work with what's happening hours or weeks later.
As a
coach I'm interested in making working
with coaching issues easier and feel more direct. To make it similar
to working with emotional intensity we need two things:
1) A measure that's easy to notice
- so you can get feedback while you're tapping AND motivation to
continue.
I propose focussing on "Possibility" as
the key measure i.e. "How possible does it feel?" (That
you can achieve your goal, change a behaviour etc).
I'll
define the 0-10 scale like this:
0 = completely impossible
10 = completely achievable.
Although Possibility
is somewhat like a belief, there often tends to be a noticeable intensity that
goes along with it. People are very good at instantly sizing up
whether they "can" do something or not. Possibility
sums up everything the person believes about themselves - their perceived
capabilities, their resources, whether they think they deserve to
succeed, past experiences of failure and a whole lot more besides.
When a goal feels Possible, this means that the
person can see clearly what they need to do and that they can see
nothing
significant in the way of it happening. So by dealing with the issue
at the level of Possibility, you must, by definition, have to deal
with all the emotional obstacles in the way of getting there. (In fact, Possibility is at the heart of Gary Craig's "Palace
of Possibilities" video set - see link below).
Once you have an
overall Possibility rating this will be your benchmark
for referring back to after rounds of tapping.
2) A way of getting specific in order to target the
problem -
which provides a feeling of confidence that the time is
being well spent.
For emotional issues we CAN use a setup
like "Even
though I have this intensity...." and it MIGHT have some
effect - but it might not be specific enough. Similarly we could say "Even
though this doesn't feel possible.....". But as with all EFT,
we usually get better results by being as specific as possible.
On
a Possibility issue we can get specific by asking: "What's not possible about this?".
Or it can be rephrased as ""What's difficult about this?".
(Note I am suggesting asking WHAT, not WHY - it's the WHAT
that gets you specific things to tap on, WHY tends to lead to other
places.)
Write down all the answers to this question - or simply
notice the first thing that pops into your head.
If this question generates lots of answers, then ask
a 2nd question: "What's the hardest thing about this?" (This is equivalent
to picking the most intense aspect of an emotional issue). Then
tap on all the SPECIFIC things that are making the issue less than
completely Possible. After tapping on specifics, take another Possibility
rating for the overall issue.
By following this process you
might end up tapping on a lot of different specific things - but
you
can be sure that you'll ALWAYS be spending your time effectively,
however much or little time you devote to it.
Is doing EFT "self-indulgent".............?
More
than once recently I've had a client express the view that working
on their issues with EFT seemed "trivial" and "self-indulgent".
(Without getting too specific, the issues involved things like food
cravings and childhood memories - classic EFT material).
When
more than one client says something I begin to wonder how many other
EFTers feel the same way....
Whether it really is self-indulgent
is a judgement of course - but here is my personal view on it:
Every
tiny piece of negativity you remove from your own energy system
is a reduction in the total amount of stress on your immune system.
This is true no matter what the "content" of that negativity
is. Feeling a 10 intensity when thinking of never eating chocolate
again does the same damage as a 10 intensity remembering being in
car crash. It's the intensity and the rush of stress hormones that
does the damage, whatever thought triggered it.
I also believe that every tiny piece of negativity
you remove from your own system is a reduction in the total sum
of negativity around on the planet. And now there are many thousands
of people doing EFTfor themselves and for others. (I recently
heard that Gary Craig's email list has 70,000 members!) - all
that tapping and releasing has to add up over time.
You
might "only" be tapping for your food craving, or your
temporary annoyance at being in a traffic jam.....but I believe
you are doing more good than you can possibly know.
Gary's Corner
Gary Craig, the originator
of EFT maintains an excellent website packed with real case histories
and articles.
Gary has written extensively
about the role of "Possibilities" and the "writing
on our walls" that can limit us. The full seqence of
articles can be found here:
Alternatively you can get the Palace of Possibilities training DVD to watch at home.
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