In this issue:

          • Guilt - The Invisible Enemy.
          • EFT Client asks for money back! And why I was delighted to give a refund.
          • Gary's corner - New Introduction to EFT video gets 82,000 hits on YouTube in 2 weeks.
          • Book Reviews:
                                     Attracting Abundance with EFT by Carol Look
                                     The Success Method by Amy Scott Grant
                                     Renegade Mindset Techniques for Golf by Stephen Ladd
 

Guilt - The Invisible Enemy
Three Invisible Ways that Guilt can sabotage your self-development - and how to get past that with a bit of reframing and some EFT.

        - Do you blame yourself for not healing or developing faster than you are?
        - Do you feel guilty when good things happen to you?
        - Do you avoid wanting certain things because you don't feel you deserve it?
        - Do you feel guilty about bad things that happen to people on the other side of the world?
        - Do you give yourself a hard time about minor mistakes and imperfections?

If you answered yes to any of these then you need to read this!
All the above are the result of generalised Guilt. For many people, the kind of guilt I'm talking about is almost invisible to us - so much a part of our normal way of seeing things we hardly notice it's there. I'm going to show you 3 ways that Guilt can act as an Invisible Saboteur to your self-development efforts - and then suggest ways of neutralising its effects - with some suggested Reframes (different perspectives) and some EFT.

1. Feeling you don't Deserve to heal or to achieve your goal.
There can only be one reason for thinking you don't Deserve to get rid of your problem or to get what you want - and that is the idea that having the problem or not having what you want is actually some kind of punishment - or that there is something inherently wrong with you. This is a form of generalised Guilt - not relating to any specific thing you may have done. When someone feels "I am Guilty" in a generalised way, this becomes a filter through which every issue and event is seen. People with generalised Guilt literally find ways to prove their Guilt to themselves. They feel Guilty over the most trivial things even when the mistakes are minor. They feel Guilty about other people or even worldwide events, even when it's nothing to do with them. They feel Guilty when good things happen to them "for no good reason" (like there needs to be).
A different way this form of Guilt shows up is thinking you should be feeling the way you feel (whether that feeling involves grief, anger, anxiety, disappointment or physical pain) - this is another way of saying that you Deserve to have the problem - and that you don't Deserve to be free of it. In EFT terms this becomes a significant block to improvement all by itself, quite apart from any aspects of the original problem.

Deservedness Reframes:
- What does a newborn baby "deserve"? It hasn't done anything to "earn" or "deserve" to be fed, or looked after. On the contrary - it is demanding, entirely selfish and the creator of bad smells, worse noise and lots of work and expense for its caretakers. But we have no trouble thinking that every newborn baby "deserves" these things and more besides.
- "All men are created equal" is an ideal which most of us like to believe - there is no hint of having to decide whether some people "deserve" to be equal. People "deserve" to be treated equally simply because they are people, and for no other reason. Everyone has an equal right to find healing and to pursue Happiness. "Deservedness" is irrelevant.

2. Blaming Yourself (or anyone) for having the problem.
If you've been around the self-help field for any period of time and if you've studied the Law of Attraction, you will have picked up on a common idea - that people are responsible for their own healing and what happens to them. The Law of Attraction - particularly in vogue at the moment - emphasises that internal thoughts and beliefs lead to external results. Unfortunately this idea is all too easily misinterpreted as meaning that it's your fault if you have a problem. If the problem doesn't go away fast this can simply reinforce the fact that there's something wrong with you - which makes it feel even more like your fault.
This idea of responsibility was never intended to make people feel guilty about having problems or for not getting well. It was meant to empower us to realise that there is always something positive we can do to help ourselves, no matter how hopeless it seems.
If you want to know if this is an issue for you, say to yourself now: "I am Responsible for my healing / achieving what I want".
Notice closely how you feel when you say this - notice any intensity (0-10) and what type of feeling it is. Anger? Dread? Anxiety? Hopelessness? Guilt? Or just a sinking feeling in the stomach?
The idea of Responsibility is meant to empower and inspire. If you feel anything negative when you hear it, that's a good sign it's actually triggering some Guilt.

Of course, in EFT terms, if you're judging or blaming yourself, you most definitely are not accepting yourself. Therefore judging (blaming) yourself is a serious impediment to growth and healing.
As it happens, blaming others is just a much a sign of invisible Guilt as blaming yourself. Blaming others is designed to take attention away from yourself.  And the only reason one might be motivated to do that is if you secretly fear that it is your fault: "It's not me, it's them!"
Somebody quite famous once said "Judge not - lest you be judged yourself". On an obvious level this advice is warning us that going around blaming others simply invites the same treatment in return. But I think it goes even deeper than that. What this is telling us is that if we persist with a mindset which involves finding fault in others, then we are going to be using that same mindset to judge ourselves. It isn't other people's judgement we need to fear most - but our own! 

"Responsibility means it's my Fault" Reframes:
- Being Responsible for your healing isn't about something being "your fault". It means you - and only you - have the power to respond and turn things around.
- Most of the triggers and beliefs which keep us from healing or developing were acquired when we were very young children - it makes no sense to think of "fault" when you think of a 3 year old's perceptions of life. If you can easily forgive a child then you should just as easily forgive yourself.
- In Law of Attraction terms, blame and guilt about things being "your fault" is a very low vibration energy - and will by itself help prevent the healing or achievement you are seeking.

3. Needing or Wanting to be Perfect.
At first glance, the desire for Perfection looks like an ideal antidote to Guilt. Surely Perfection is an absence of anything to be Guilty about! 
But in fact Perfectionism is itself a symptom of unconscious Guilt. It's an attempt to avoid being wrong. And you only need to avoid something if you actually think it's there.
To put it another way. Think of a Perfectionist you know (or if you are one, think of yourself!). What does a Perfectionist actually focus on? What do they notice? What do they talk about?
Strangely, they don't focus on how wonderful and perfect everything is. Perfectionists focus on and notice only faults and imperfections. Perfectionists should really be renamed "Imperfectionists".

Perfectionism Reframe:
- The attempt to be Perfect starts out as an an attempt to be acceptable in the eyes of yourself or others.
But Perfectionism requires constant focus on what is faulty so that it can be corrected.
Attempting to be Perfect therefore always results in non-acceptance - the very opposite of what is hoped for.

Finally, here are some EFT and Choices statements to choose from which will help to loosen Guilt's grip. Obviously, select the ones that feel true for you.

EFT:
"Even though I feel Guilty about nearly everything, I deeply and completely accept myself."
"Even though I take on Guilt for things that are nothing to do with me,..."
"Even though I blame myself for not healing/achieving my goal,..."
"Even though I blame others for my not healing/achieving my goal,..."
"Even though I think I don't deserve to heal/achieve my goal,..."
"Even though I've always felt Guilty,..."
"Even though I still feel Guilty thinking about things that happened 20 years ago..."
"Even though I'm afraid I'll never be perfect,..."

Choices:
"Even though I know I am Responsible for my life, I choose to remember that this means I have the power to make it better."
"Even though I want to be Perfect, I choose to accept myself as I am."
"Even though I often judge myself, I choose to forgive myself and choose healing instead."
"Even though I judge myself, I choose to remember that judging myself makes it harder to heal/achieve my goal."

 

"When guilt rears its ugly head confront it, discuss it and let it go.
The past is over. It is time to ask what can we do right, not what did we do wrong.
Forgive yourself and move on. ...let us own our pain and move
away from guilt, fault and blame toward recovery and healing."
Bernie S. Siegel, MD

Book Reviews

EFT Client asks for money back!
And why I was delighted to give a refund.

Back in February I had a client book a session with me to work on Insomnia and related work stress issues. She had been suffering with Insomnia for the best part of a year and had been off work due to "turning into a zombie". Although back at work, she was still on reduced hours. Not sure how many sessions she would need, she paid me in advance for 2 sessions.

In our first session we spent an hour doing EFT on a variety of aspects, but especially on some originating memories around when the work stress had begun -  the people and issues involved and how she had felt at the time. We also tapped for her insomnia directly and I gave her some homework to tap just before bedtime. We agreed to schedule the next session in a couple of weeks time when we had a chance to see how she was doing.

Well, 2 weeks went by, and then another couple of weeks. I emailed the client to ask how she was doing. I received the following reply about 6 weeks after our session:

"...I feel so much better now and the EFT has really helped!  
Thank you so much!  
Would it be possible to refund my £20 please as I feel so much
more positive and have been tapping when I have woken up
in the night and now imagine myself floating afterwards
which helps me get back to sleep.  
I have been recommending you to friends and colleagues as well! :-) "

Of course I was delighted to hear she was so much improved - and more than happy to give her a refund for the session she no longer felt she needed.

(NB - Permission was gained from the client to quote from her email and to discuss the case in this newsletter)

Update: Since writing this article I have since heard from the client again and she now reports that she is sleeping through the night and continues to use EFT as needed during the day to deal with stress as it comes up.

Gary's Corner

Gary Craig, the originator of EFT, maintains an excellent website packed with real case histories and articles. Sweeping the web recently has been Gary's new intro video on www.emofree.com and on YouTube.
 

Play Gary's Intro Video
 

This is a great resource for people who want to give people new to EFT a quick and easy introduction to what EFT is and the range of issues it can help with.

Incidentally, this video has had  over 82,000 viewings on YouTube in just 2 weeks!  (In addition to viewings on Gary's own site)

By the way - there are HUNDREDS of EFT videos on YouTube! Some by professionals, some by self-help users. Just do a search for "EFT" on the YouTube home page.

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